Blah...

That about sums up how we're feeling. This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions. We have had some really high times where we have been so excited about the way in which God is setting things up for us to be perfectly provided for, yet we have also had some times where we can't catch our breath from the pain we are feeling.

I don't know if I can explain this ache that I have in my heart. I so wish I could take this away from Jim and just make this whole situation go away. I'm really not worried about the money. I know God will provide and we have seen some amazing evidence over these last few days (I'll share shortly), but I am more sick about him being done there and about the job that he has loved and been fully committed to these last eight years being gone. Last night at 11:00, Jim had to turn in his gun and badge. Blah... It makes my stomach sick just thinking about it. He has wanted to be a Police Officer since he was three years old and has been fulfilling that dream for the past eight years in a wonderful city. I can't believe that this is what's going on right now. Blah! It's just yucky and sad and stinky and I just wish it could go away.

And I think what makes it so personal is all that he has invested into his job. Being a Police Officer is so demanding and the amount of training, education and tiresome work that went into him even becoming police officer, then the stress, shift changes, time away from family, working on holidays, long hours, standing in the freezing cold on the interstate, being a constant target for criminals, carrying a gun and the responsibility that comes with that alone, needing to wear a bullet proof vest, protecting the streets all night while the residents sleep safely in their homes and capturing reckless and drunk drivers so people are safe on the road to name a few, makes it even harder. Yesterday, it was a huge part of his life and today it's gone. Blah...

So now for some good things, which I have to focus on since today I am focusing way too much on the yuckiness of it all....

The amount that we will have to be paying monthly to keep our health insurance through COBRA is being covered in full by an amazingly generous couple that we are blessed to have in our family. The other night as Jim and I were getting ready to walk out the door for a City Council Meeting, the phone rang and on the other end was the blessing of us not having to worry about our health insurance while Jim is laid off. There are no words to describe how this burden being lifted felt. Jim also has a week of work lined up for this week of 40 hours plus working with an exterminating company. We have been offered help from a family who specifically said that they don't want to see us touch our savings and we have been blessed with some gift cards for everyday living stuff like groceries. God is providing and that is evident.

We are praying and trying to trust that his actual job will fall into place next. We talked last night for a very long time about every which way this could go. Jim's desire has always been and continues to be to work in law enforcement. We never have questioned once over the past eight years that that is where God has wanted him. Yet when we realistically look at the options before him now it seems almost unreachable for him to continue to be an officer unless he gets called back to Pepper Pike. As of now, there are almost no departments that are hiring. I am confident that Jim would be strongly considered to get a position if there were some available, but that isn't very promising at this time and like I've mentioned before, it is about a 6 month process to get in somewhere. Like the rest of the country, many cities are struggling with finances so the majority of departments aren't looking to make their departments bigger, but instead cut back as Jim's department has. Jim has his resume all over the place for other job opportunities as well and at this point, we have heard back from only jobs that are out of Ohio. There is so much that goes into us possibly moving, my family, our friends, our church, Abbey's doctors, Jacob's school to name a few and the thought of that right now is pretty overwhelming.

This August, a levy is being put on the ballot in the city in which Jim worked and our prayer and hope is that the levy passes. At that point, if it would pass we were almost promised that at least 2 or 3 guys would be called back, which Jim would be one of those guys that would get their job back. Please pray that this would be the case for him.

We know with our heads that God has this planned out perfectly for us and that one day we may look back and see why this has happened, but today my heart is tired and sad for yet another huge trial set before us....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11