We have to be there at 9:30 a.m. for her port to be accessed, blood to be drawn and checked (please pray for her neutraphils to be above 750) and for her dose of chemo to be administered via IV. We then have to be at the pediatric sedation unit by noon for her to have her spinal done to administer her dose of chemo in her spine. She will not be able to eat anything after tonight so please pray for the morning to go quickly and for us to be able to distract her with enough things to help get her through the morning. No matter how many times we go to sedation, it never gets easier. Each time I hold her while they put this creamy white medicine into her port and she quickly falls asleep in my arms. I then have to put her on a sterile table and we leave the room. I know she is comfortable while she is having the procedure done, but it's so hard to leave her in the room and to not be by her side for that time. Whenever I am not physically with Abbey and seeing her (which isn't much) I find myself feeling anxious and just wanting to see her face and know exactly what is going on. Please pray for our thoughts each Friday while she has her procedures done, that our minds wouldn't start spiraling.... Once it's over and we get to see her again, we are always so relieved and she always makes us smile. Her first words are 'I'm hungry' and she usually wants cheez-its.
My sister Stacey has been coming with us every Friday and she has been so creative with keeping Abbey busy and happy while we wait for our time slot for her procedure each week. Stacey is so good with kids (both hers and everyone else's) and she keeps Abbey (and Jim and I) entertained much of the time that she's with us. She draws pictures of everything and anything you can imagine and makes up games that keep us all smiling. I don't know what we would do without her and my mom as they truly have done so much for us. I have called my mom in the middle of the night more then once because I either needed someone to talk with, cry with or pray with, or was nervous when Abbey was so sick and she jumped out of bed and rushed right over. She stays with the boys each time we need to go to the clinic (along with my Aunt Patty on Fridays... thanks Patty :) and we can rest in the fact that our boys are very well taken care of when we aren't with them. Between our family and friends, we have the most amazing support system and we truly are thankful and don't know what we would do without all of you.
Abbey has been talking a lot the last couple days about her sickness and different things that she remembers from what she has been through. She has wanted to talk about our stay in the hospital (she says our hospital room with our bed), times when it was "owey" and times when it didn't hurt, times when she had fun and times when she felt stinky. It is amazing how she is remembering things from our stay in the hospital and even talking about some of the days when she was really sick here at home. She is starting to understand the difference between being in the hospital and just going to the clinic for a day to get her medicine. It has been really good for us to hear her start to process some of this and see that she can smile while talking about it... even the hard stuff.
God uses different things at different times to help us get through each minute, day and week of this journey. He has used Abbey in so many ways these past couple days and it's so amazing to see a child's faith as we talk to her and ask her questions. She knows God loves her, cares for her and is healing her and that is something that she never doubts.... even for a second. We pray for faith like a child when we start to doubt or get scared and it's neat to see Abbey, a three year old little girl never hesitate when we ask her who made her, who cares for her and who's healing her. Lord, help us to have faith like a child as we continue on in this journey.