So today was a pretty rough day. Abbey's counts were not up. In fact, they were down even more from last week. I didn't expect it and had a very hard time holding back the tears as our nurse and doctor went over her numbers with me. I think I've cried more today than I have in a long time. The doctors assured me that this isn't too concerning to them. That it is just her body needing a longer break from her oral chemo and that her bone marrow is just wiped out and needs time to come back. She's been off her oral chemo for a week so that's why I thought her numbers would definitely be up, but it doesn't always work that way. She most likely still has drugs in her system that are affecting her and she also just came off her 10 day antibiotic yesterday from her sinus infection so that most likely all plays into her marrow being wiped out. This week she will really get a break from ALL medication (except for her one anti-pneumonia med and her lovenox shots) so we are praying that this week, her body will recover. In it's own time, it will.
As I sat in clinic today, I was reminded of how very much I hate this disease. I was again reminded of this war going on in her little body and the strong medication that they have to give her to get rid of every last cancer cell. I was reminded that the medicine not only kills the bad cells, but it kills the good cells too. And I was reminded of how much I love this girl and so badly want to shelter her from all that she has to go through.
The thought of telling Abbey that she isn't going to be able to go to VBS this week is making my heart so heavy. I so badly want her to be able to go and just be a normal three year old this week. Every time I think about her missing out on something that she has been looking forward to for so long, I cry. My heart just hurts for her little heart and the disappointment that she is going to feel. We are praying that she would be understanding and that we will have the words to explain it to her. We are going to really try to do special things with her this week at home each night while VBS is going on.
I talked at length today with our doctor (and nurse and nurse practitioner) about our upcoming vacation. They are encouraging us to go and get away. Although her numbers are low, she is feeling great. You'd never know her numbers are so low if you saw her playing today. They sat in our room and watched her laughing and being so silly (Buddy and Bev were in visiting) and they said that if she was laying around and feeling horrible they would tell us not to go, but after seeing her, they think it would be good for all of us to go.
They will give us all the information that we need about the hospital we should go to in case something comes up with Abbey or if she gets a fever. We have our doctors cell phone number and he assured me that he is just a phone call away if we have any questions. So all that said, we have decided to go on our vacation. We will go back
Friday for another count check and will continue to pray like crazy that her number are
higher (we will be leaving Saturday), but regardless of where they are, if she continues
to feel as good as she is now, then the trip is on.
Today as we went back and forth about our decision, we came to the conclusion that God put this opportunity in our laps to get away to a beautiful condo right on the beach for a reason. He knows that we all need it and there is nothing more that we want right now than to be able to enjoy a week away together. We trust our doctors and know they would not be telling us to go unless they felt confident that she will be fine. We of course will modify our activities while we're there and will stick to the same rules as when we're home about not being around too many people, but we might as well be in a beautiful place while her numbers are so low. We will still be able to be outside as much as we want and spending time on the beach so that alone will be wonderful. I don't think I mentioned it in the last post, but Jim's parents are coming with us too. They were supposed to be coming to our house the first week of August (which we have been looking forward to for so long) so when the vacation fell on that week we were so excited at the possibility of them coming with us. When we told them about it, they were all for it so it really all has fallen perfectly into place. We are very much looking forward to our time with them and to have the support of family with us while there in case something would come up with Abbey is very reassuring. And, Jim and I might even get a date night (or two) away while the kids soak in every second of their grandmom and grandpop.
So, although today has been a hard day we are all excited to start planning for our upcoming trip. I can't even wait to wake up to hearing the ocean outside our bedroom window and to snuggle with my kids (and my husband) while sitting on the patio at night and watching the sunset. To be able to experience God's beautiful creation together will be a breath of fresh air for all of us. I can't wait to take the kids away and to just get a break from all that we have gone through these last 10 months. And I am just so thankful that God is so good to us, that when I feel so sad about Abbey missing VBS, He gives us this gift of a week on the beach to help us get through this next little hurdle. Please continue to pray for her body to recover and for her ANC to be higher next Friday. Thank you for your love and support.
Abbey and Buddy at clinic today. The bottom one is Abbey giving Buddy a shot. It's nice when Abbey gets to be in control every once in a while and is able to be the one giving the shot instead of getting it. They are great buds :)!!