We spent the whole day today at the clinic and we (myself, the doctors and nurses) are trying to figure out what is causing some of these unusual side effects right now in the phase. Some of the ways that she's feeling would be normal if she was in the middle of the steroids or if she just came off them, or if she had just had chemo, but none of that is the case now. She's actually on a break right now so she should be starting to feel better, not worse.
So back to what's going on... Saturday night Jim and Jacob headed out to church and when they left, things here were fine and I didn't foresee any issues with them being gone for the night. Soon after they walked out the door Abbey started throwing up. For some reason when any of my kids throw up, I freeze right in my tracks. I seriously cannot move a muscle in my body. You'd think I'd run to get something for them to throw up in or move things so they don't get hit, but no, I just stand there, stare and say "you're o.k. honey" about 30 times. Well on Saturday she was sitting on her very favorite pink blanket on the couch. Thankfully the pink blanket was laid out on top of the couch so it was a little more manageable when cleaning it up. After getting everything out of her system I finally was able to move again and quick locked Micah in Abbey's room. I then got Abbey cleaned up enough to get a bath. I then spent 45 minutes getting the blanket clean enough to be able to throw in the washing machine. I was sure she would feel better after getting all that out, but the rest of the evening didn't get better. She laid in her bed from 6:30p.m. until the following morning at 9:30a.m. Heartbreaking to say the least! Not what a three year old should be doing and the tears flowed that night as I watched my baby be so sick in her bed.
The good news is that she hasn't thrown up since. The not so good news is that she still feels pretty yucky. Some of her other complaints that have been on and off since Saturday are headaches, neck aches, pain in her eyes, and stomach pain both inside her belly and outside to the touch. What's odd is that she seems to have taken a step back these last couple days and we would expect her to start getting stronger right now. She overall has been just laying on the couch much of these last days and is pretty miserable. It's been so sad.
I know we are at the end of the worst. Once we start back up with the phase, we have 2 weeks and then onto maintenance. I know in my head that we are so close. That we've come so far and that much of the worst is behind us. But my heart is tired of it all. It just wants the worst to already be behind us. My heart is in maintenance, yet my baby still has two more intense weeks of chemo that she has to get through. If I sound like I can go from being so encouraged and feeling great (like in my last post) to feeling pretty low and discouraged... it's true. There have been many times throughout these last six months where things can change quickly and my heart goes from being happy to being weak. I know my God is always the same. Regardless of if we're having a good day or rough day, He is still in control of ALL things. I still trust Him and know that none of this is a surprise to Him. I am just tired and ready to be past this part of the journey. So please be patient with me and pray for my strength to be renewed.
Please pray that her eye pain/pressure would stop. It gets severe at times and all she can do is scream. Please pray for her body to get stronger and for her to start to feel better overall. For her tummy pain to go away completely and for her low grade fever to just go away and never come back. And please pray for wisdom for the doctors as they will decide Thursday whether to push ahead and start the second part of this phase, or to wait one more week to give her body more time to recover. We so appreciate your prayers during these next couple weeks. Thank you!